Monday, May 01, 2006

WARNING : BAD GIRLS AHEAD
adopted from MAXIM, April 2006

there are some types of girls that yr mum never warned u about, but probably should have.
women are a lot like food : e ones that are good for u are bland tasting n forgettable; the ones u want are sweet, delicious and will kill u. And in the same way that yr mum always wanted u to eat yr vegetables n keep away from e sweets, so too does she want u to find a nice girl of the carrot persuasion, rather than run away with that candy-liscious hussy.
the only problem is, she has a rather narrow view of what is a good gal and what is a bad gal. while the usual 'shameless hussy' who dresses in a sultry dress is about as subtle as a tactical nuclear strike, there are other women on the prowl who are not so obvious but just as dangerous.
maybe mum nvr recognised them, but here are some advice to keep an eye out for!

THE SEX GAL
u may think this is the perfect kind of gals u've secretly wished for, but in reality, this woman can be a total nightmare.
she got a healthy sexual appetite; hell, she might be a nymphomaniac.
her sexual drive is so large n wide-ranging that u r bound to hit a wall and she begins to question yr masculinity. she'll want sex, often, probably daily but she won't settlefor just plain old vanilla sex. she may warm u up with a little bondage, maybe some candle wax, but fr there it goes on to sex in public places, with other ppl, all kinda toys, axxx, and if u can't keep up, u're not a Real Man.

THE CRAZY GAL
have u ever watch those movies with a unique, wild living gals who's not afraid to say what she thinks, do audacious things, and awaken the adventurer that lies in yr hopelessly metrosexualised, urban soul?
well, this gal starts out that way, and it goes downhill from there.
u may admire her for being herself & dancing in fountains or telling snooty executives they have shallow, empty lives, but that's only because u're seeingn the manic side of manic depression.
get involved in her world n u're suddenly dealing with a wailing, screaming banshee that's capable of doing great harm to herself or she might just decide to burn yr house down. look at how amazingly happy n carefree she can be and remind yrself that when she gets in the opposite mood, it'll be an experience that is survived, not just tolerate.

THE GOTH GIRL
watch out for this - intelligent, passionate, and a great conversationalist, even dress up in an attractive yet decidely non-slutty sort of way. but dun get suckered by the demure behaviour. that passion she has is just the tip of a suicidal ice bern that rests beneath the ocean, waiting for the Titanic that is you.
what starts as intimate conversations late at night because she 'just needs to talk to someone' will quickly turn into confessionals, rabid declarations of the pointlessness of life, and ultimately suicide attempts which only u, yes YOU, can prevent because u "invade her soul" and other fragments of poetry she's read from the likes of depressing Germans like Rilke and even more depressing Americans like Emily Dickinson.
spotting her - black, black n black, heavily into black clothing... she's beautiful but in a scary way.

THE NURTURE GIRL
this is the one who would completely slip under yr mum's radar and would probably get her vote for "You two should get married."
she's sweet, she's polite, she's the kind of girl you can show to yr parents, but she's also out to control yr life. maybe you met her ata cafe, or a bookstore, or some place where "decent girls" hang out, but this, my friend, is pure shame.
this is a woman with a mission.
since childhood, she has always known that she needs a husband, that she'll stand by and behind her man, and control his every action till the day he dies. u may bring home the bacon, but she'll decide when its eaten and in what amounts.
u may wear the pants, but she decides when and what pair.
behind the warm, comforting smile is a totalitarian that hides an iron fist under those baking mitts.
spotting her - extremely extremely aggresive in her own way. she'll nvr give order - at least not when u first meet - but there will be lots of questions like, "Don't u think u spend too much money in bars?" or, "Isn't it time you thought about settling down?"
the big key here is speed. she wants to get married and have a home as quickly as possible, and so all her outings, her conversations ad mannerisms will be pointedly aimed at getting you into the "settling down" mood. keep an eye on the magazines she reads.
if she's subscribing to bridal, family and interiour decoring magazines, run
run fast, run far

THE PARTY GAL
this one starts out with such promise.
there u are, at the bar or the party, when this amazing looking girl with charisma and a brilliant prsonality catches yr eye.
she's lively, she's attractive and most important of all, she's FUN. and then it all goes wrong
u might enjoy the occasional club, bar or party outing, but she wants to do it daily, all day. and not just in yr home country either, she's a popular girl and her friends want her to go to their little get together in Sydney, or Bali, at some five-star hotel.
the only problem is, "Money is such a bore, darling", as she might say to you, but only because she expects YOU to foot the bill
Cyndi Lauper pegged her a gal who just wanna go have fun
however she completely failed to mention that she requires the financial backing of a small African nation to do it.

DEALING WITH IT
WHAT TO DO IF U'RE WITH A GIRL WHO'S CLEARLY NOT GOOD FOR YOU

Alcohol - most of these girls love a good drink, and with good reason. Alcoholism is one of the best ways to forget yr sorrows, or at least nto care so much. Start drinking and maybe she'll dump you!

Buddishm - If the source of all suffering is desire, then maybe it's time to just start not caring about anything at all! Take it from the man who made apathy the route to enlightenment and start not giving a damn about anything.

Walkabout - Goto Australia and sign-up for one of those walkabouts. Tell yr hellion girlfriend that you're doing it "for us" and then conveniently disappear in tragic wombat accident while u settle down in suburban Sydney with that nice surfer chick u met on the tour...

Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Games
If real life and real relationships are starting to get to be too much, then hell, get virtual ones!
World of Warcraft, Everquest II and dozens of other virtual worlds offer ways to escape yr tortured, miserable relationships in exchange for a few dollars a month

sMurFy at ... [ 6:11 PM ]

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